Monday, August 9, 2010

I hate being a grown up..

The last few weeks have been really crazy for me.My dad was sick and was diagnosed with cancer.It was not as shocking to us as it sounds, because all of us had a niggling doubt that it could be that.It was just a relief that it was diagnosed and is being treated.

The exhausting part was to convince, cajole,threaten my dad to go to the doctor and get diagnosed.He being ex-army, is expected to be brave and all but he totally chickens out when it comes to doctors and hospitals.Much like me.:-).

The biggest adjustment that I had to make was not to get used to the idea of him having cancer, but to adjust to the role reversal.We have been brought up in a typical traditional setup where whatever dad says is to be followed without question and you can't even begin to think about arguing with him.I don't remember a single instance where I have dared to question his opinions or decisions.I may not have followed most of them when away from home, but telling him he is wrong or that I don't agree with him or telling him that he is being unreasonable is out of the question.So obviously the communication channels are not as open as they should be.

Now, things have suddenly changed.He is older and weaker and suddenly I am the grown up.I have to decide what is right for him, I have to look him in the eye and tell him that he needs to get treated (even though I know that it scares the living daylights out of him), that he cannot lose his morale.I had to see him get weak and helpless and it is not a good feeling.I also have to adjust to the fact that I am an adult now and I am expected to make some decisions if I know that my parents are not making the right ones.My parents suddenly look up to me and my brother to take decisions on their behalf.

I cannot wrap my head around the fact that my parents will be getting older and more dependent.I know all this is a natural cycle of life and one day they will not be there, but I am not ready for this.

I want more time!More time to be selfish and ask my mom to make me custard with cake and jelly, more time to be childish and tell dad my problems and expect them to be taken care of with minimal effort from my side, more time to get angry over his lectures on fitness and discipline, more time for me and my brother to laugh about dad treating us as kids.I just want to turn back time and freeze it.Change is so bothersome and I sure don't like it.

Melancholy Sumi


  1. I sooooooooooooo understand what you are going thru... My parents live with me.. and some times I dont know how they can behave this way.. or say something that you'd least expect them to say.. They've become such kids... My mom needs me to go with her to the dentist .. She wont go on her own... and this is the woman who stood by me.. for everything..

    Dont you worry Sumi.. We will pray and your dad will do well soon.. and God always gives strength to go through tuff times.. from somewhere.. somehow!! Bless!!!

    If you need to chat.. email me.. somtimes its just nice to talk to someone.. *one big hug* for you!!

  2. Dear Sumi,
    Thanks for visiting my space. It is difficult to change the pace of life. You have written it beautifully. I hope your Dad will get well soon.

    Please read the below write up .... I am sure it will cheer you up.


  3. Thanks Patty and Satrupa.Your kind words mean a lot but I am totally totally embarassed now..why did I have to go and get all soppy! Eeks.

  4. Oh god Sumi, I hope he'll be fine. I could read my thoughts in your words...we're going through a similar situation at home, where my mom has diabetes and doesn't know better to keep it in check...she spent a month in the ICU a couple of months back (I started my blog two days after she was released from the hospital, to pull myself out of depression and to create some positive energy in the world!)....

    Don't be embarassed. we're human beings and we all try our best to deal with life as it throws "curveballs" at us. I'm ashamed to say that I cry like a baby on the dentists seat. I have an appointment this week, that I have been putting off for several (that's right, several) years now. I will cry. The dentist is very amused by it all...better amused than grumpy I say!

    Anyway, before this turns into my thesis again...let me say, you'll get through this, just be strong for (both) your parents. Keep us posted on your dad's progress, our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.


  5. Thanks Gagan.I totally get your fear of dentists.I hate going to a dentist.When I was a child I had weird teeth and I remember that I have visited the army hospital dentist at every location that we have been posted in and yes I cried too.:-)

  6. So sorry about your Dad, and I totally hear your discomfort with the shifting balance of family roles. My parents also are starting to encounter (minor, thankfully) health issues and I do worry about them and how things will be as they get older.
    I hope your Dad gets swift, effective treatment. Look after yourself, too...


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